Euphemisms for the ages...

[Ldub]

Thought I'd start a new one tonight...kinda bored, don't cha know - ya sure you betcha.

See what kind of euphemism you can dig up from your memory banks, or get all smarty pants & make yer own...

Keep it clean & somewhat tasteful...but mostly, post what makes you laugh...

After watching the parking lot camera this evening, I'll start with:

Throwin' down a stomach pizza, as a euphemism for:

MAN that little guy left a big pizza...

I know y'all gonna come up with some pretty awful stuff, just TRY to keep it almost within the realm of "questionably good taste"...

[JAMAS]

From what I can tell, 50% of their language is based on it...

Examples:

Its Cats and Dogs outside (its raining alot)

Courtesy of Green Street Hooligans:
Hes in Rubble (Barney Rubble, Trouble)
Bees and Honey (Money)

[tom4bren]

'Gooder n grits'

'slicker n snot'

Wifey laughs her butt off when I use this one (but ya gotta turn on your best southern drawl when you say it)

'It don't make no nevermind to me'

I know, they're not really euphamisms but my brain ain't quite woke up yet so it's the best I could do.

[vt_maverick]

Here's a few I've picked up working with the military:

"Volun-told" - EXAMPLE: "We're doing our monthly <insert volunteer project here> this weekend, and I expect you all to be there."

"Tell the story right" - TRANSLATION: We need to justify our funding for the next fiscal year, and since our efforts to-date have largely failed, we're going to invent a best-case scenario story and practice telling it until we're sure the general will believe it.

And some that my wife likes to use:

"Maybe" - TRANSLATION: I don't want to say "no" so I'm just not going to say yes and hope you forget to ask again.

"Are you sure you don't want to do <insert thing I don't want to do here>?" - TRANSLATION: I'm giving you a chance to agree before I get mad for having to tell you to do it.

"Me: Is something wrong? Her: No" - TRANSLATION - YES, and you better figure it out because if you're too dumb to know then I'm going to be even more mad.

[JAMAS]

Husbands/Boyfriends will know about these....

The "Honey-do" list. (our list of stuff to do)

"We" (Example: "You know WE should hang those pictures today while I am at work")

[tom4bren]

""We" (Example: "You know WE should hang those pictures today while I am at work")"

Warning: Last time that line was used, I responded without thinking "What's this 'we' crap". With therapy, I learned to walk again.

[JAMAS]

""We" (Example: "You know WE should hang those pictures today while I am at work")"

Warning: Last time that line was used, I responded without thinking "What's this 'we' crap". With therapy, I learned to walk again.

I usually reply with "Well we are <whatever I am doing at the moment> so we'll have to do that when we are finished"....

its kinda a long running joke, so I don't get hit

[JGeorge264]

There is no "I" in we.. as in when I tell them "we" need to get a certain project completed.

[crotchrocket]

Goes like sh1t of a chrome shovel

You can't polish a turd, but you can wrap it in clingfilm

[VX KAT]

Heard a new one today that just had to add here...
That guy's missing a few dogs from his front porch

[handeeman]

How about:

His elevator don't go all the way to the top.

His lights are on, but there's nobody home.

He's got a photographic memory, but he just doesn't have any film.

He's playing stupid, it looks like he's winning too.

[vt_maverick]

Could sell fleas to a dog
Could sell sand to a camel
CrackBerry
Mary Jane (surely no explanation needed)
Lindsay Lohan (cocaine)
Dropping a deuce
Nancy boy
Bat out of hell
Hair on fire
Lead foot
Hope/Change (status quo + nice speeches - little dig at you Obama supporters )
Colder than a witch's tit in a metal bra
A long way from Kansas
Going postal
Rodney King treatment
Drinkin' the Kool-Aid
Junk in the trunk
Budonkadonk (sp?)
Few bricks short of a load
Feature (as opposed to bug)
Watching paint dry
Took us to the woodshed
Crankin' a brewski
Every squirrel finds a nut eventually
Getting his ***** handed to him
Firedog (AF term for fireman)
Blue light special (cops on the way)

I had about 20 more phrases but ended up deleting them due to the "questionable taste" restriction.

[boondocksaint]

That dog won't hunt. (That idea won't work.)

Snipe-hunt. (Wild goose chase.)

Not enough dogs under that porch. (Not smart, or not playing with a full deck (sic).)

Sitting on G waiting on O. (I'm ready.)

Have you got brass-*** or something? (Why are you so slow - military-derived.)

Hotter than a sterno bath. (Can refer to actual heat or the attractiveness of someone.)

Cock the pimp hand. (Prepare to strike a "ho," or anyone who annoys you.)

Pimple on the *** of progress. (Something useless.)

Can't find your *** with both hands. (Refers to stupidity.)

Dumb as a bag of hammers. (See last entry.)

Tango Uniform (Nice way of saying "tits up" which means "dead.")

That is just STUpid. (Inflection of STUpid often refers to something that is "sick," "Awesome," "fly," or otherwise good to a high degree.

Bat-**** crazy. (Could refer to insanity brought on by bat fecal matter, but normally refers to someone who's just plain bonkers.)

Redneck reunion. (Where I'm from in Alabama, I've heard this used to refer to any gathering of rural people, but it is often used to refer to high school proms, especially out in the sticks where many people are related and probably knocking boots (see below).)

Knocking boots. (Having sex.)

Busting caps. (Shooting bullets, as into someone's ***.)

[erland]

Picking the fly sh*t out of the pepper
Tripping over a dollar to pick up a dime

[RabidPony]

One of my all time faves from my time in the Corps...

"Let me break it down Barney style for you..."

If you don't get what it means then you're someone that I would be saying it to.