Can't let it go...

[JAMAS]

I appologize in advance for stirring things back up, but this has been bothering me and I simply can not let it go. I have tried just forgetting about it, but I am having difficulty doing so.

For those of you that missed the thread I will briefly summarize.

Someone posted a used vehicle. (Their very first post on this site)
I responded with an observation about their ad, not their VX.
The next post (their second post ever) was a hostile return of a curseword name. I am assuming they misunderstood my comment.
Then some other exchanges went back and forth.

When that was all going down, I was SHOCKED to be the only one saying anything. I took it as an attack and was expecting my VX brethren (and sistren) to stand behind me. After all, I have been here for a year and proven myself to be an upstanding member. This was their SECOND POST!!! I did get a PM from one person telling me that they were staying out of it for now, but they were shocked and they "had my back". After receiving that PM, I realized that perhaps everyone was just staying out as to not get involved. I had reported this thread to Moncha and assumed the thread would be closed and we would chaulk it up to just another wacko in the world.
That was thing one.....so I began to let it go...

Then I saw this...
"I am disappointed in this as I think everyone should be and is welcome. If everyone can try this in the future, review you post and make sure that that is really what you want to say before hitting the submit button. Remember, with the use of body language and facial expressions, something that comes only in text form can easily be misunderstood and can just as easily be taken offensively.

Please think before posting."

Since I was the only other person on this thread, I have to assume this talking to was given towards me. And since the thread was closed, I do feel obligated to reply via this thread.

I did NOTHING wrong. I feel VERY STRONGLY about that.

I agree whole-heartedly that EVERYONE should be welcome to join. However, lets step back and think of this as if it were a club. Lets imagine that we have a clubhouse. Everyone is welcome. Someone walks in, says hello and is friendly so we offer them a cold beer and a warm greeting and welcome them with open arms. However, if someone walks in and starts swearing up a storm at someone who has always been friendly we would most likely NOT welcome them with open arms and then go have a talking to to the person that was berated. Instead the other person would be protected.

I went from feeling like I had a family that stretched across the world to feeling like I have been outcast in just one weekend. I am on this forum EVERYDAY and I post almost everyday. Not everyone in the world is friendly and is the same caliber of person we are lucky enough to have on the site. So lets welcome people with open arms and if they spit in our faces, lets see them for what they are and let them go.

Hopefully all this doesn't begin my disappearance from this site as I have grown to know you guys as my friends. However, my friends and family have my back first and to be quite honest, all of this hurt me quite a bit.

[Scott Harness]

I missed the original post.
You MUST let it go for you own piece of mind! You only hurting yourself.
The other person is not losing any sleep.
"Don't worry about the future,Don't live in the past,Live in the present moment wisely and earnestly...Budda

[tom4bren]

Dude,

Even though you were NO help to me when I had a question about Wifey's Eclipse ... I still got your back.

There will always be contentious threads in the fam. I don't remember seeing the thread in question (prolly since I'm not in the market for another VX at the moment, I didn't keep up with it).

We've already lost one good member due to bad blood. Don't wanna lose another. Please consider it water under the bridge so that it doesn't color your future participation.

Tom

[Gussie2000]

Hi jamas !

Sorry this've happened to you;I strongly believe no one should be insulted by any means & if it do happens with no means then an apologize my self statement can clean up the mess.

I read the same posted reply scott wrote here & honestly wasn't able to pin point who was the person scott was addressing his statement.

Scott is great guy & i bid if you address your concerns directly to him i quite sure he'll understand what was your intentions.
Pm'd scott your phone # and ask him to talk with you so any confusion can be clear up.

[JAMAS]

Hi jamas !

Sorry this've happened to you;I strongly believe no one should be insulted by any means & if it do happens with no means then an apologize my self statement can clean up the mess.

I read the same posted reply scott wrote here & honestly wasn't able to pin point who was the person scott was addressing his statement.

Scott is great guy & i bid if you address your concerns directly to him i quite sure he'll understand what was your intentions.
Pm'd scott your phone # and ask him to talk with you so any confusion can be clear up.

?

Not sure if we are thinking of the same post.

[handeeman]

Jamas, I followed the thread from the beginning to the end. I stayed out of it to keep from blasting the guy and provoking him more in the his use of profanity. I also reported the post to Moncha.
I also understand what Moncha is saying about how hard it is to come across in type without being mis-read. I do feel this person had a chip on his shoulder and you just happened to walk-in and it fell off.
I also have had a couple of post replies and PM's that hurt my feelings but I ended up letting em roll off like water on a ducks back and still um... er....aaaah....love everyone in this family.

Oh and remember my motto: "Time wounds all heels"!

[samneil2000]

I too missed the thread so can't speak to it directly. But please don't let it make a permanent impression on you or make you participate any less in this forum. I'm sure that the people you expected to "hear" from on that thread simply didn't know it was going on.

[Ldub]

I missed the original post.
You MUST let it go for you own piece of mind! You only hurting yourself.
The other person is not losing any sleep.
"Don't worry about the future,Don't live in the past,Live in the present moment wisely and earnestly...Budda

X 2...That Budda is one smart feller...

Put another way...

Harboring a grudge or resentment is like taking poison,

Then waiting for the other person to die.

I didn't read the thread until after it was locked, but the new guy came outta the gate with a chip on his shoulder IMO.

[CrnCnn]

I thought your comment did come off a little rude but you noted that it was not directed towards that person. I made my reply trying to move the thread along from it and not attack either you or the newb. I didn't feel like making someone unwelcome but I guess I should have since they were not staying after the sale anyway... Plus I am really no good at talking crap, I have to be REALLY fired up to get after someone.

Sorry to let you down and hope you dont leave.

[nemo]

Jamas, I am new to the site and could not find the post but don't worry about him. I have learned what goes around comes around. He will run into his one day and it will be bad. But for you put it out of your life, you have a lot more friends on this site than all of his put together. Enjoy what you have and leave him to his sorry life.

[4X4 UFO]

Jamas,
I don't post often, but I follow this forum every day. I've always valued your input, and I followed the thread in question. I think that the reason none of us jumped into the discussion is that we saw a newbie (a really sensitive guy, it seems) react badly to your suggestion of things to emphasize about his VX, and we expected that you would just ignore his over-reaction, once you determined that he did indeed, have a pretty big chip on his shoulder. It's not that we don't have your back. It's that we didn't think he was was worth much effort, and we didn't realize that you did. I, for one, would hate to see you leave the fam, and I'm sure everyone here agrees. We all have things that irritate us a little more than our friends are aware of. Just my two cents.........

Randy

[Moncha]

As my first post in the thread stated, "I would consider this as a "we got off on the wrong foot" encounter"".
I received a couple "reports" on the thread but that does not mean that I'm going to automatically and instantly close the thread. I censored the parts that were offensive and against site rules and notified the OP of their misdoings in that same post. I don't feel that I needed to take sides as being the "admin", I have to look at it from both.

I received a request from the OP to delete their account as they did not feel like this was a place where they would feel welcome. I explained that I believed that there was no malice intended and that posts sometimes sound different and sometimes offensive when there is no accompanying facial or body language to go with. The OP insisted on the deletion of their account and that was granted.

So, let me explain a little more;
The original post regarding the sale of the vehicle was from a female and the follow-up (offensive) postings were from her husband. She is new and as all new folks to anything, she may have been a little timid in how or what to post regarding her VX. According to her, the post was a "feeler" about selling and she had multiple family members that also have VXs.

He, the husband, apparently took the first response she got, your "observation" about the ad (The first impression of the site for him) as an attack on her personally and as any husband would do, his feathers got ruffled and he defended her. I'm not saying it was appropriate but it could be understandable.

Here's my stand;
I could have just deleted the thread, deleted her (Their) account and said "oh, well".
My problem with that is I see both side of the picture. Therefore I did what I did. I deleted all but my responses and the thread title. My first post in the closed thread was left as a reminder as to what language is appropriate on the site and where they can find the rules stating as such.

My second post, states that the OP asked me to delete the thread which I did (Although, I only soft delete items). There was no reference to anyone save for the OP's deleted username and my username.
I can say, yes, I'm disappointed because I am.
I simply made a statement that everyone is welcome. (and I do however, think you could have worded your "welcome with open arms" statement to her a little better but wasn't going to say it in public until now)
I also asked for EVERYONE to check their posts and to think before hitting the submit button. I did not specify anyone in particular in that statement on purpose.
If you feel that I am pointing you out to everyone, then I'm sorry. It was meant as a general reminder.

[tom4bren]

I've got a size 9 1/2 mouth at times so I feel ya boss man.

I've also gone back and re-read some of my early posts & wonder what I was thinking. I just attribute it to having too many 'lightning bolts down my shorts' & move on.

If you still have that ex-member's email addy please let them know that they should not direct their family members (who own VX's) to stay away. I'm assuming that the lady who started the thread has sold hers & is no longer interested.

[Moncha]

AFIAK, she was only feeling it out and would only sell to the "Right Person".

[VX KAT]

JAMAS- I too followed the thread from the beginning. I thought exactly the same way as you did about his ad...yeah, let's list it has a steering wheel too!
We've probably had 5-10 posts in the yr I've been on the forum of VXs for sale that didn't have a pic, and several people, me included, have jumped in and rather curtly pointed out that it's useless to list a VX without pics. I believe circmand has too. This is the exact same thing, his wording made the ad useless. There's even an icon that says that (and I think it was Kenny that posted it a while back). So we didn't really see anything wrong with your post.

To the point....brand new poster trying to sell a VX, immediately got vulgar and ugly after you posted something that was actually intended to help him. That's not how 99.99% of people would respond in that situation.

Why I stayed out of it, and possibly why a few others did too...just a few months back in a similar situation, I jumped in with both feet defending a member, only to have another member attack my personal physique...(gee, I thought we were all adults here?)....I fired back, and again got attacked. It was so ugly that Anita deleted most of the posts, thankfully.

Since the new poster showed what he was made of right out of the shoot, I think we all chose to stand down and let him flame out. He obviously didn't seem "to fit" with our group, in my opinion and we sure could predict how he would respond to any other posts from us. Maybe in hindsight, we should have posted something defending you, but please don't take it as us not caring about you. I really think we all just saw how vulgar/angry he was and 4x4UFO said it best, we didn't think he was worth the effort, knowing we'd just get more of the same. Clint did a great job of trying to steer it out of the gutter.

I do consider you a regular here and really want you to stay. Sure you're really po'd now, but think about what we've all said in these posts and try to see it from our point of view too. You're far more valuable than that newbie, as his actions have shown. Let it go....that's what I did.

p.s....dang it, how come I can't write shorter bits like everybody else?....sorry, it's that extra X chromosone, I'll keep trying!