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Thread: Political humor

  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stephen Biko View Post
    So it appears they cherry-picked pretty faces with make-up artists on television to represent the best of the republicans and actual working politicians to represent the best of the democrats. It's like saying republicans want a government of beauty pageant winners.

    It's more likely that they picked pretty republican women and pretty damn ugly democratic women to make a funny... I think you've read too much into it Stephen Biko

  2. #32
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    I claim no political affiliation...

    It would be too embarassing if I voted for one of these ash clowns & they actually won...

    Both sides of the aisle just plain stink IMO...

    But I did find this story to be amusing...

    The Haircut

    One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.

    After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

    When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

    Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

    The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

    Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

    The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

    And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

    BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON.

  3. #33
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    VX KAT
    ....the adventure BEGINS ANEW! ...2015......
    Remember that life is not measured in the breaths you take, but rather in the moments that take your breath away.

  4. #34
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    Thumbs up

    Quote Originally Posted by Ldub View Post
    BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON.
    X2 we need term limits!

  5. #35
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    better yet...

    WITH ALL DUE RESPECT...BUT THIS IS JUST TOO FUNNY...

    A man goes to a public golf course. He approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says, "I would like 18 holes of golf and a
    caddie."

    The man behind the counter says, "The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you
    is this: We just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and come back and tell
    me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today."

    The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer. He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself, "I think my driver
    will do the job."

    The robot caddie turned to the man and said, "No sir.. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole." Hesitantly, the
    golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green.

    The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance. As the golfer pulled out his putter he said, "I think this
    green is gonna break left to right." The robot then again spoke up and said, "No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left."

    Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine. He made his putt and birdied
    the hole thanks to the robot and his advice. But his luck didn't end there. His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the
    assistance of the new robot golf caddie.

    Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked, "How was your game ?" The golfer stated, "It was, by far, the BEST
    game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots. See you next week."

    A week passed, and excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop. Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said, "I would
    like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please."

    The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said, "Well the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the
    robots. We had too many complaints."

    "COMPLAINTS? Who in the heck could've complained about those robots? They were incredible"

    The man sighed and said, "Well, it wasn't their performance. It was that they were made of shiny silver metal, and the sun reflecting off
    them was blinding to other golfers on the fair way."

    The golfer said, "So then why didn't you just paint them black?"

    The man nodded sadly and replied, "We did. Then four of 'em didn't show up for work, two filed for welfare, one of them robbed the pro
    shop, and the other thinks he's the President."
    Daniel

  6. #36
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    I got One!

    What's the difference between a conservative republicant and a bucket of §hit?........ The bucket.

    How does the Republican party separate the men from the boys?....

    With a crowbar!

    How long does it take a republican to turn a surplus into the worst financial downturn since the great depression?

    Two terms...

    What do you call a closeted gay Republican?

    Senator

    Did you read George Bush's new book?

    Neither did he...

    Dan Quale, George Bush, and Sarah Palin meet at a bar. Sara has a few belts and says,
    "Ill sleep with one of you guys, but I only like intelligent men with a gift for gab, and christian values."

    Both men went home, and Sara wound up banging Jesus that night.

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by HOT_WASABI_JUNKIE View Post
    I got One!

    What's the difference between a conservative republicant and a bucket of §hit?........ The bucket.

    How does the Republican party separate the men from the boys?....

    With a crowbar!

    How long does it take a republican to turn a surplus into the worst financial downturn since the great depression?

    Two terms...

    What do you call a closeted gay Republican?

    Senator

    Did you read George Bush's new book?

    Neither did he...

    Dan Quale, George Bush, and Sarah Palin meet at a bar. Sara has a few belts and says,
    "Ill sleep with one of you guys, but I only like intelligent men with a gift for gab, and christian values."

    Both men went home, and Sara wound up banging Jesus that night.
    Nice collection of jokes...probably some welfare recipient spent the whole day on the net searching for those on internet he stole from his working neighbors.

    I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.
    Thomas Jefferson

  8. #38
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    Actually, I made them all up.

    And most of the people that are on welfare right now are on it because you and other clowns in your party thought GWB would be a good president.

    It's gonna be a long time before this country trusts republicans again so I'd sit your *** down and get comfortable.

    Fillibuster that!

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by HOT_WASABI_JUNKIE View Post
    Actually, I made them all up.

    And most of the people that are on welfare right now are on it because you and other clowns in your party thought GWB would be a good president.

    It's gonna be a long time before this country trusts republicans again so I'd sit your *** down and get comfortable.

    Fillibuster that!
    LOL,
    well, if you must know, the housing crisis was caused by the Clinton administration forcing Fannie-Mae to give loans to people who thought they deserved to own their own home, but couldn't really afford it. The housing bubble collapse started several years ago, and was never recognized until the government driven balloon payments came due. This was the real foundation of the current "economic crisis" Strange that the rest of the world, much more liberal in comparison to us, is going through the same thing if not worse. But I do recognize the fact that all politicians suck. Tis the nature of the beast.

    Here is a good one for you:

    Sally came home from college for the first time. Her dad hugged her and asked her how school was going.
    "Great dad, I made the Dean's list with a 3.5 GPA!!!!"
    He congratulated her and asker her how her best friend from high school, Tabitha, was doing.
    "Not so good dad, she only has a 2.5 and is barely hanging on, she skips class, sleeps in, goes out to parties every night, already had one abortion"
    Her dad has a wonderful idea:
    "Honey, go to the Dean, ask him to take your 3.5 and her 2.5 and just split it down the middle, a 3.0 for each of you, and as far as the total amount of work that was done, it will all work out in the end to be the same."
    Sally responded vehemently "HELL NO!!! I WORKED MY *** OFF FOR THAT 3.5"

    Her dad smiled and offered his hand "Welcome to the Republican Party".

    So, after you read this on the internet that you pay 39 bucks a month for, and then hop in your sweet VX and go to work, contemplate giving these things up, after all, there are a bunch of lazy POS democrat supporters that need your money to fund their laziness. Maybe you can sell the VX and buy several bicycles, then you can help out those who don't have as much as you. But wait, you worked hard to get the things you have, why should you be the one to give them up to those who don't deserve them?

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marlin View Post
    LOL,
    well, if you must know, the housing crisis was caused by the Clinton administration forcing Fannie-Mae to give loans to people who thought they deserved to own their own home, but couldn't really afford it. The housing bubble collapse started several years ago, and was never recognized until the government driven balloon payments came due. This was the real foundation of the current "economic crisis" Strange that the rest of the world, much more liberal in comparison to us, is going through the same thing if not worse. But I do recognize the fact that all politicians suck. Tis the nature of the beast.

    Here is a good one for you:

    Sally came home from college for the first time. Her dad hugged her and asked her how school was going.
    "Great dad, I made the Dean's list with a 3.5 GPA!!!!"
    He congratulated her and asker her how her best friend from high school, Tabitha, was doing.
    "Not so good dad, she only has a 2.5 and is barely hanging on, she skips class, sleeps in, goes out to parties every night, already had one abortion"
    Her dad has a wonderful idea:
    "Honey, go to the Dean, ask him to take your 3.5 and her 2.5 and just split it down the middle, a 3.0 for each of you, and as far as the total amount of work that was done, it will all work out in the end to be the same."
    Sally responded vehemently "HELL NO!!! I WORKED MY *** OFF FOR THAT 3.5"

    Her dad smiled and offered his hand "Welcome to the Republican Party".

    So, after you read this on the internet that you pay 39 bucks a month for, and then hop in your sweet VX and go to work, contemplate giving these things up, after all, there are a bunch of lazy POS democrat supporters that need your money to fund their laziness. Maybe you can sell the VX and buy several bicycles, then you can help out those who don't have as much as you. But wait, you worked hard to get the things you have, why should you be the one to give them up to those who don't deserve them?
    It's typical that you'd blame Clinton.
    He was out of office in like 2000?
    Bush had almost a decade to reform any policy Clinton inacted that would put this country in financial risk. Instead. He gave tax cuts to the most wealthy Americans while financing two wars. It was to his benifit, the housing boom that happened between 2003-2006 was the pinnacle of his career, and we all know what the aftermath was from that.
    One of the best things that came out of the Bush years...
    Sept 11th..
    Follow me on this..
    After the attacks America came together,
    Republicans, Democrats, Blacks,whites, mexicans, asians, liberals, conservative all came together and pointed a collective middle finger at the bastards that sucker punched us.

    Now fast forward to now...
    Because of the deep recession that has now lasted close to 3 years, we all need to come together and help the folks who are struggling.
    That's not liberal, that's human.
    All the aid that people are getting is not just freeloaders..
    Its your mom, your uncle, your next door neighbor,it's your fellow countrymen who worked and worked till the work ran out, because nobody is spending money.

    How many people in this forum have lost a home or are gonna lose one?
    Or a job? Or jobs? It's not because you could not afford the house when you bought it, it's because when the economy crashed, and people lost their incomes.

    I don't see America like you do. I don't see a bunch of losers who don't want to work, Quite the opposite really, I see people doing whatever they can do to get by and being creative and determined to survive under some of the worst economic times in our history.

    "Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen! "

    Otter

  11. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marlin View Post
    Nice collection of jokes...probably some welfare recipient spent the whole day on the net searching for those on internet he stole from his working neighbors.
    should have read like this
    Nice collection of jokes...probably H.W.J. spent the whole day on the net searching for those on internet he stole from his working neighbors.

    GOD BLESS the new USSA
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]...

  12. #42
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    why is it

    When an armed robber breaks into your home at gun point and takes stuff you worked hard to get he gets arrested and sent to jail?

    But when the government takes money right from your pay check and threatens to take everything from you backed up by the threat of gunpoint it is considered morally right?

    HWJ if you want to take all your wordly possesions sell them and give them to the poor that would be charitable and human. But when you or other liberals decide to take my property and income and give them to other people YOU consider deserving that is socialism. I dontae time and money to organizations I feel are worthy. That is my right. What gives you the right to decide where my money goes?

    Did you realize that before you get your paycheck the FEd takes over 30% off the top. Then depending what state you live in they take 8%, then depending on the muni you live in another 5%. If you own your own home they take several thousand a year. On top of that any money you spend there is sales tax around 8%. This is the level of taxes not for the rich but for the average working. Of which there were more under Bush @ 6% unemployment than BO at 10% even after paying unions and govt workers $800,000,000,000 under the so called stimulous. That means the average worker pays 50% of his money in taxes. That is TOO MUCH.

    I am all for helping my fellow man. I doubt you could find many people who gleefully watches his fellowman starve. However, I have a pecking order and while it may be selfish it is my family first. For some reason liberals seem to think there is an endless upply of money just sitting around. There is not and you just cant keep spending money for every program even if it is a good cause without cutting it elsewhere.

  13. #43
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    Talking

    Quote Originally Posted by nfpgasmask View Post
    Its not working too well unless you just ignore everything, shut up, eat your cheeseburgers and watch TV. Then it's awesome!

    Bart
    Imunna sit this one out...
    And hang out over here inna corner wit my Buddy Bart, eating cheeboogies & watching while you kids regurgitate the same stuff...

  14. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ldub View Post
    Imunna sit this one out...
    And hang out over here inna corner wit my Buddy Bart, eating cheeboogies & watching while you kids regurgitate the same stuff...


    Love these danm burgers....

    Bart

  15. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by HOT_WASABI_JUNKIE View Post
    It's typical that you'd blame Clinton.
    He was out of office in like 2000?

    All the aid that people are getting is not just freeloaders..
    Its your mom, your uncle, your next door neighbor,it's your fellow countrymen who worked and worked till the work ran out, because nobody is spending money.
    You are exactly right, but it is NOT THE GOVERNMENT'S JOB to provide for others. That is what churches, charities, neighbors and family are for. Taking from me what I worked my *** off for and giving to someone who did not is not helping anyone.
    The economic crisis spawned from the housing crash. PERIOD. In the Navy, your job is defined by your rate. We have a saying, "choose your rate, choose your fate". If you chose to work in a non-secure field and subsequently lose your job, get over it and move on. There are lots of jobs out there, I am sure I can take a white collar worker and they can do manual labor just fine, they just aren't willing to "stoop" to that level. So do not give me that whiny "life isn't fair" BS. The jobs are out there, you might have to move, Alaska has a bunch of jobs. Believe it or not, living in Southern California is not a right. Having a nice car is not a right. Having a boat and your own house is not a right. Health care is not a right. Having a gun is a right, having the freedom of speech is a right.

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